Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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