I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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