As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Farmville is her only friend.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
