I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
