Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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