I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
