if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
