i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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