If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
