she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
