She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
