Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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