Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
