How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
