Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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