Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
