We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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