did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
