i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
