What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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