I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
