we're blogging at a bar
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
