I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
MIDGETS
????
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
