My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
