Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
