turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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