I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
