so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
