Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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