i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
