Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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