Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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