Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
