for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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