I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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