last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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