i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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