No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
