mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I love you.
Bad choice
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