I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
