Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
