I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
