Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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