dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In other news, I just burned my penis
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
