why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
