LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
