I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
