I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
