I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
where am i from again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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