I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
