Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
