: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
